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Some Westerners come to Japan come to a crusade to liberate the poor little Japanese women in their gallant men and macho society. They finally come to teach them Amouuur with a capital A. We understand that this self-appointed role is flattering, even if it sometimes struggles to see in the expatriate Casanovas of our time. And most of my women's colleges in the office plebiscite also certain qualities of men of their country, such as kindness, attention and patience, which far outweigh the lack of inflammatory statements and bouquets of roses. Clichés, the Japanese couples, like other countries, trying to balance love, material life and social requirements, with different constraints from those of the West, but not necessarily less successful.

stories couples often begin in adolescence. In Japan, high school years are the toughest in the education system: it is for children of the middle class with ambitions to integrate good university that offers them an enviable position in society. The crisis of adolescence, and discovering the opposite sex, is often pushed to higher education, early twenties. These young couples often remain a private matter: it is very rare to have his friend (e) to his parents before it is serious, and it is often not the evenings among friends. Japan is often presented as a society where the group is important, but seems that the Japanese defend with even more fury their "secret garden". This may partly explain the success of "love hotels", these institutions decoration flashy allowing young couples to spend some time together without the neighbors or family being informed. Japan knows no taboos also Christians, and it is common to wait several weeks or months that the relationship is genuine before spending a night together, nobody seems to want to postpone it until marriage, a practice, however, still in force in religious circles in the West.

Once finished studies and integration into successful business, you often start thinking about marriage. Some have already met their spouses at the university, especially in student associations, "circles". Others fall under the spell of an office colleague. Young employees often work long hours, and it does not leave much time to find a spouse. The youth therefore "go-kons (合コン), evenings in a bar mixed with an equal number of girls and boys from among their friends or colleagues, and hoping that some couples are formed. A good organizer of "go-kon" is a valued friend. Although the tradition is lost, there is also the "Omiai (お 見合い), the famous arranged marriages arranged by families. It turns the "CV" with photos, and meetings are held between potential partners. Mostly I heard this about this practice by friends living in the countryside, but now it seems very minor.

The court takes some time, and includes many "dates" (デート). The must-have Christmas Day , or you go out with spouse. All the fancy restaurants are booked months in advance. A Valentine's Day, women give chocolates to their beloved, and at the "White Day", a month later, the man must give a gift twice the value. Many couples choose not to live together once married and remain in their housing unattached or with their parents until marriage.

Marriage (Kekkon, 结婚) may be celebrated in various ways: there is the traditional ceremony at a Shinto shrine, but the Christian ceremonies, which are reminiscent of American films Romantic into the blond priest, also have much success. The story goes that false priests, teachers of English or bar owners in week officiating at the ceremony. The great Japanese wedding brings family, colleagues and relatives of the newlyweds. Some young couples prefer a more intimate wedding in a restaurant with only close family and good friends. Marriage to the mayor is a mere formality, which takes place at the box office without ceremony.

children out of wedlock are not yet entered in the customs in Japan, although recently there equality of illegitimate children before law. Contraception is less sophisticated than in the West, the pill is not widespread and bad press. Many couples marry on a "dekichatta Kekkon" (でき ちゃった 結婚), that is to say, once a pregnant woman. The term has a connotation of "marriage after a mistake." It is certainly celebrated in a hurry, often without ceremony, despite the efforts of wedding professionals who promote the "sazukarikon (授かり 婚), or marriage" priceless ", and offer turnkey appropriate ceremonies. Everyone pretends not to notice that child was born six months after marriage, and very often at the birth of the charming, all is forgotten. I think the situation for half of all couples. I then asked if some do it voluntarily chose not to avoid having to "negotiate" the marriage with the families. As the Japanese have little to their spouses before marriage, some parents become aware of a spouse, birth of the future child, and marriage at the same time. During pregnancy, which is more medicalized in France, women traditionally spend the last weeks with their families, leaving the husband alone at home. This allows them to be "pampered" by their mother, and to better prepare the birth. This may seem shocking, but it's certainly convenient.

The status of women in the workplace is changing. Traditionally, girls were leaving their jobs after marriage, but this is very marginal now. It seems cons it is always preferable to marriage to resign if their spouse works in the same company, which does not go to another company. Escape the gossip of the company is probably a big motivation in this case. Virtually all women continue at least until the birth of their first child, and many choose to continue working even after the first child born. With the decline of the population, women's work is a necessity for businesses. However, this is rarely first class career, prompting some "business women" to postpone marriage until very late. Some organizations, such as hospitals, nurseries offer to their employees, but even in private, many now continue their careers, leaving their children in public crèches (takujisho, 托 児 所). There are of course, especially in big cities, waiting lists. In addition to empowerment, motivation to continue working are also economic: wages fell sharply during the crisis years and lifetime employment is not guaranteed: a second income helps limit risk. Families and young fathers are also put to work caring for children. Japan has at least one good side with respect to Europe: it is possible to find quality prepared meals correct very low price , either take away or restaurant, which can provide a woman employed to prepare the family meal every night. Japan

lack of children, and some attribute this, perhaps naively, the low frequency of intercourse in marriage. Japanese couples rather put forward the significant cost that it represents: the housing is expensive. If the restaurants are good markets, supermarkets are more expensive than in Europe. The coverage does not cover all medical expenses. And especially education is very expensive: schools and private universities are very common and are not, unlike France, subsidized. Taxation is also less favorable to families in France. An additional child can make the difference between a comfortable middle class existence and a life for lean months. Finally, the "career women" often deferring their marriage after 35 years, which does not promote fertility ..

Traditionally, the woman manages the finances of the couple and the husband leaves a bit of pocket money (okozukai, お 小遣い) for his personal needs. It seems that this is still a fairly general rule, and it certainly gives women a prominent place in domestic affairs. Advertisers often turn most women when it comes to selling the family. The educational journey is more stringent in Japan than in France, and it is not easy to move in during children's school: they would lose the benefit of their enrollment in a good school. So there is a common situation of "couple distance" (tanshinfunin, 単 身 赴任) where the woman stays in a city, the husband goes to work in another, returning the best all weekend, but more often every month. It is well accepted in general. The Japanese keep in effect no doubt that most Europeans, a little freedom. It is not uncommon out with friends or colleagues themselves once married. Japanese companies require many of their employees and foster cohesion in organizing evenings between colleges, which does not facilitate family life. These nocturnal activities are less frequent in recent years because companies do not spend more systematically note fees. I have heard of evenings weekly or even monthly, that drinking daily.

Divorces (rikon, 离婚) are increasingly common in Japan even if they stay it seems a bit less common in the West: Some couples seem to prefer delay it until the children are away from home, which could explain the recent fashion for "divorces elderly." Do not believe all Japanese couples are bound to drift: the most mature couples that I met seemed happy, or at least found a way of life that suited both spouses. Young couples that I attended seemed to most modern and slightly different French couples: a Japanese friend has adapted his career to promote that of his wife and young dads seem to do much despite their efforts to work invasive deal their children.

References

The following chart published by the Japanese authorities indicates the proportion of arranged marriages (お 見合い 結婚) and love marriages (恋爱 结婚). This was reversed in the mid 60s, and only 6% of marriages are arranged cons now nearly 70% in 1930. link to the graphic

Another article of this blog deals specifically international couples with a spouse Japanese .

You can continue reading these tips for expatriate managers in Japan